Losing Yourself and Finding Your Way Back
Written by: Aaryake Pandey
While we all come back for a new semester, the month of February can come with multiple definitions; for some February may be a month of love, wrapped in roses and whispered confessions, and for others, it can be a reminder of the love lost.
For those who fell in love, only to fall right back out, welcome…
Heartbreak can have a way of unraveling us; it forces us to confront the pieces we wove together with another person, where we started saying “we” instead of “I” which we now find scattered at our feet. Heartbreak does not only apply to romantic relationships but also to friends we planned our graduation with.
While your brain might be going through a chemical upheaval, it isn’t always going to lead to a destructive end. You can see it from a different lens— it can be a process of shedding your past self and constructing a new one.
Losing someone isn’t about deleting the memories or suppressing your emotions but rather about shifting your perspective from “I lost them” or “they left me” to “I am rediscovering myself.” This can also be classified as a mindfulness technique known as cognitive reframing; a technique that consist of identifying and changing your views on the situation, experience or event. It is normal to leave people behind as we move on in life, but, of course, the pain can be unbearable at times, but it also provides us with the opportunity to just be.
Romanticize solitude; don’t confuse it with loneliness, it is an active choice to be with oneself. Carl Jung, a psychologist, saw individuation as a process of self-realization, a process of becoming one’s true self, and an opportunity for personal growth rather than a state of deprivation.
We often rush into distraction instead of sitting with ourselves, and college often makes the first option easier and more tempting- going to parties, or overloading on extracurriculars and academics. But learning to be alone is where the true healing begins, so this February fall in love with loving yourself.
Detach but don’t disconnect. Social withdrawal can be normal but complete isolation can make things worse, so instead of ‘ghosting’ everyone, spend some time with your friends, watch a movie, reconnect with nature, go on that walk alone, listen to music, or even study in a library instead of your room. Reclaim your interests, revisit your old hobbies, or even pick new ones, be unhinged (as long as it is within the JGU policy) that you were hesitant to do because your former partner didn’t like it. Psychology and research say that trying new things can rewire your brain and boost dopamine (aka the feel-good hormone) so take advantage of neuroplasticity cause your brain loves challenges, and who knows, you might love it too.
Some days, you will slip. You’ll hear their name and your stomach might drop. You might see someone that reminds you of the past. But slowly without even realizing it, you will laugh at something stupid. You will feel a spark of joy that isn’t attached to them and you will find comfort in your own company.
