From my school days, the idea of loving oneself always interested me. I know many people think that loving oneself is a very selfish act. This is not surprising, given in a collectivist culture India, most of us have grown with the belief that ‘we should always put other people’s needs and interests before our own.’ I want to begin this article by bursting this myth- self-love is not being selfish or ‘narcissistic’ or disrespecting others’ needs. As I see it, self-love, is being in touch with what one wants, doing things that makes one happy and taking care of one’s health and well-being. At the same time, it also means taking accountability for what one’s doing and how this may impact others. I believe if you love yourself, it’s easier to love others also.

My interest in this topic led me to research more on how I can best express love to myself and take care of my well-being. Heidi Priebe in her YouTube video talked about the book named ‘Five Love Languages’ by Dr. Gary Chapman, a counsellor. In the video, she draws in ideas on how humans primarily give and receive love. These love languages are said to be how we contemplate and find love meaningful. The five love languages, as laid out in this book, are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch.

Here is a brief explanation and some tips for self-love based on Five Love Languages:

• Words of Affirmation: This is about feeling loved and valued through words of encouragement and appreciation. This can be practiced by sticking encouraging notes around one’s home, maintaining a jar in which one can collect things for which they are grateful for (examples – a small gift, seashells, bracelets etc.), using vision boards, watching inspirational Ted Talks, or talking about one’s accomplishments.

• Acts of Service: This involves feeling loved by doing something nice for oneself. This can be practiced by asking oneself what they need the most and giving it to oneself, doing errands that are important for one’s personal growth, setting healthy boundaries, investing in personal time, tidying up and decorating one’s space.

• Quality Time: This is about feeling loved through the undivided attention given to oneself, with minimal interruptions from others. This may involve enjoying coffee/tea mindfully without being distracted phone or laptop, sitting and watching the sunset or other natural phenomena as per one’s preference, going on solo trips, reading things one enjoys, listening to music, or watching an inspirational movie.

• Receiving Gifts: It’s about feeling loved through receiving gifts from oneself. One could try investing in one’s interests, creating a scrapbook for oneself, starting a project for fun, making a personalized calming music playlist, or enrolling in a class one would enjoy.

• Physical Touch. This is about showing love to oneself through touch, physical closeness, and physically taking care of oneself to feel good. Trying to cook a healthy dinner, getting fresh air, drinking more water, pampering oneself, snuggling up with a blanket and watching a movie, one could even take a soothing bath that makes one celebrate one’s body and spirit! 

With time, practice, and patience, I learned that my preferred love languages are acts of service, quality time, and physical touch. All this has transformed the way I relate to myself – now I am much kinder to my body, feeding
it proper food that truly nourishes it. I engage more in personal “me-time,” and do not compromise it for someone else.

I hope this article inspires you to take this journey of loving
yourself, figuring out the language of love that helps you most, and grow into a loving version of yourself. If you wish to discuss more about loving yourself and share what helped you, please feel to drop me a message or bump into me at ‘chai tapri’!

Resources

 If you would like to do the Love Languages Test or retake it to confirm your top 3 love languages, feel free to take the test here – https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/.

Watch Heidi Priebe’s video mentioned above here – https://youtu.be/wgn9k6cTM5Y

 Ria Abraham 

Section C

Jindal School of Psychology and Counselling 

(Batch 2024)

Email ID: 21jspc-rabraham@jgu.edu.in