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A Whisperer’s Manual to JGU

September 12, 2016

Welcome. You are now part of a global institution. To learn the secret behind these metal buildings, well-groomed trees, and international environment, you must learn to look beyond what you see.
Yes, beyond the tall fancy flagpole, the good looking architecture, and institutional values, this campus has certain attributes that won’t be stated in any orientation, won’t be given in the student handbook, and will, for all matters considered, be only a whisper in the wind at the most. So here they are – a collection of whispers, and a whisperer’s manual to Jindal Global University.
“Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.”
-Morpheus
1. Go for every DJ-night in the first year – learn the excitement of first times (you’ll be the wise owls seeing the juniors do the same the next year), and the beauty of impossibly logical Punjabi songs (“Mein tera boyfriend tumeri girlfriend oh mainukehndinananana”)
2. The hair-styling salons on campus are plenty – but be specific with your instructions to the barber, or you’d be wishing you went bald.
3. Always sign in the register at the hostel entrances if you’re past the curfew – May “Spiderman” and “Superman” guide you into the light.
4. Be nice and befriend the Sodexo bhaiyyas and didis – you’ll need it.
5. Be ready to receive random visits from your wardens with completely strange parents and visitors – if you’re on the ground floor, your room doubles as their reception.
6. If you’re having the Manchurian sauce at the mess, taste it before you consume more. You don’t want your output to be greater than input.
7. Go to every conference and talk that you can attend, especially when they’re serving the special menu there.
8. Befriend a JSLH student – they always have the nice dinners and field studies: you’ll need people to buy you food from the real world.
9. Don’t date in the first semester: people who break this golden rule are still found roaming the campus roads at 5 am each morning with dead eyes and destroyed hopes.
10.Campus doesn’t have the seasons. There’s the freezing cold and the incredibly hot, with one beautiful month called October.
11.The Global Reading Room is neither global nor used for reading. But it’s still where you’ll be spending your examination nights. Bring your own pillows.
12. The orange “Hot and Sweet” Lays, Maggi, and Milano biscuits will be your new best friends
13. Never start an argument with a Debate Society (DebSoc) member: they can be distinguished by their ability to make the most hilarious arguments for the most serious topics, and their inability to agree to what you are saying.
14.Family Law is like unicorn blood, if you’re in JGLS. Once it reaches your brain, you’ll be forced to live a half-life… a cursed life.
15.Whichever store you’re at, on campus, there’s a Sandeep bhaiyya not too far away.
16. You will get ripped off at least once by the vending machines in the hostels.
17. Turnitin will be your archenemy. Moments will arrive when your name will be shown to be plagiarized. But we must beat it. The machines cannot rule over us.
18. However much you go to class, you’ll find yourself desperate for attendance at the end of the semester.
19. If you’re on the bunk bed, your phone will break. Yes. It will. Make peace with it.
20. Learn how to sleep for with your eyes open-sociology is the bed time story you wish you had lying around during sleepless nights.
21. Befriend a Delhi/Gurgaon person - Free rides to the airport, storage, ghar ka khaana, place to stay during riots - enough said.
22. Don’t have the samosas in the mess, trust us.
“I didn’t come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it’s going to begin.” - Neo, the Matrix
Though to the students of the college, most of this seems obvious, to you, dearest fresher, these will be the beginning. The Whisperer’s Manual will continue.
Did you think this made sense? Have anything else to include in the Whisperer’s University Manual?